That Old School Grind
by automatonic
Summary: Duo's got a book report due...only problem is he's getting little to no help from his fellow pilots, and the book's Moby Dick! How'll he ever survive?


Hello, everyone! Just as a precaution, this is a story that's been floating around aimlessly in my head for a little while now. The G-boys live together(cliché, I know. But it works) and have to deal with everyday life(imagine that!). 

Just as a scene setting, think Big White Mansion with Five Psycho Teenaged Bachelors standing at the front gate looking up in complete and utter surprise(realizing that this house still isn't big enough for the five of them). 

Okay! now that that's over with; on with the fic! 

"That Old School Grind"

Disclaimer: You try to sue me on the chaotic writhing mass of terror that's about to unfold, and all you'll have is one slightly used burrito from Taco Del Mar. So let's keep the lawyers off my back for a while, ne?

[Duo and Quatre are sitting quietly in the den, watching TV. All the lights are off except for the lamp over Quatre's head, letting on the notion that he's more angelic than can be proven. The TV screen blares constantly in a rapid fire of color, illuminating both boy's faces. After a while Duo glances down at his watch, looking slightly concerned.]

Quatre: Here, here. This is the best part. See? Then the monkey blows up the Empire State Buil - what's up, Duo?

Duo: Eh, I guess I should start on my book report now.

Quatre: You mean the one for Mr. Omizo?

Duo: Yeah. Figure I'd get a head start.

Quatre: Duo, it's due tomorrow.

Duo: Exactly. I usually don't start until at least 2nd period.

Quatre:(sighs) Have a book yet?

Duo: [checks watch again] Hmm…how late do you think the library's open to?

[Later that night, Wufei is sitting quietly at the large dining room table, reading a calculus book. Papers, notes and a bowl of ramen are strewn all across the surface surrounding him. The clock in the corner rings ten o'clock. Duo walks in yawning.]

Duo: I finally got my book. 

Wufei: The one for Mr. Omizo?

Duo: That's the one.

Wufei: You realize the report's due 3rd period.

Duo: Yeah, so tell me something I don't know.

Wufei: Hmm. How're you going to get it done?

Duo: Well, I figured it out with Heero on the way down to the library. I cram the chapters in tonight, and in the morning I write up a quick 2-page summary. That's all we need, really.

Wufei: Smart. So what'd you get?

Duo: Something about water and boats…

[Wufei glances at the book Duo displays proudly. He then promptly bursts out laughing.]

Wufei: Moby Dick?!

Duo: Oh, yeah. And a big white tuna fish. 

Wufei: [still laughing] You'll never finish that! It's over 130 chapters long!

Duo: Betcha I'll get an A+.

Wufei: [stops laughing to glare a challenge] You're on.

[11:30 pm. Duo's room is dark, save the lamp light near his neat desk. Braid in mouth, Duo is idly fanning through the pages, his eyes growing large with bewilderment.]

Duo: oh my god…

[Trowa enters quietly with a tray of milk and cookies. He sets them down next to the pilot's elbow, then leans over to see how he's doing.]

Trowa: I hear you haven't finished the book report yet.

Duo: If this was a military secret, I'd already be shot.

Trowa: Just bringing a snack, Duo, don't killed the messenger. Heero says lights out at midnight.

Duo: WHAT?! I'm only on page 5!

Trowa: I thought you took that speed reading course last year with Hilde. Didn't that help at all?

Duo: What speed readi - oh. That one…I skipped half the time. So sue me.

Trowa: Hmm. Well, I'll leave you to your work. Good luck.

Duo: (grumbles) Thanks. I'll be needing it.

[Morning. Sunshine is streaming though the bright kitchen windows as Heero and Quatre are peacefully leaning at the counter. They're decked out in boxers, bathrobes and slippers, sipping coffee. The front door is heard shutting and Wufei walks in cracking open the daily newspaper. He looks up and glances around suspiciously.]

Wufei: Where's Duo? He owes me money.

Quatre: Trowa went up to get him.

Heero: How much money?

Wufei: [after careful consideration] Oh, I'll say fifty bucks.

[A loud thumping sound comes barreling down the staircase.]

Quatre: Okay, Duo's awake.

[Trowa appears at the doorway, dragging behind him a bruised up braid boy, who is clutching at a book in fanatical desperation. He realizes his comrades are giving him funny looks, and manages to roll onto his back. He talks, but it's slurred and hard to make out.]

Duo: Sumbudthy gimme sum caphieane…

Quatre: Caffeine? Did he say caffeine? As in coffee?

Wufei: An injection into his bloodstream should do the trick.

Heero: So, Duo. How's the book coming alo - 

Duo: Book?! Oh my god ! I need a computer! Quick!

Quatre: Scratch the coffee. Panic attacks work miracles.

[Heero's room, clean and immaculate as always, has the door slightly ajar. Inside, Duo is scratching his head in thought. The computer screen in front of him is blank and waiting. Wufei, who has yet to collect his winnings, is sitting lotus-style on the bed, calmly watching the proceedings with mute interest.]

Duo: If my calculations are correct - 

Wufei: Which they hardly are.

Duo: - I should be done soon. Well, time to start typing.

Wufei: [checks watch] One hour until school. Better hurry.

Duo: Quiet. I don't work well under pressure.

Wufei: (snorts) Could've fooled me.

Duo: Hmm…

Duo Maxwell

English - Period 3

November 14, AC 195

The book I read was Moby Dick. It had a white whale. And some crazy sailor dudes. It sucked big time.

In conclusion, I will never read this book again. See if my friends hear a recommendation from me.

THE END

(No, wait! I'm not done yet! This isn't the end!)

[After school. All the boys are walking home together, Quatre crunching on the fallen leaves up in front. Duo and Wufei are in the middle, sorting out another one of their differences, while Heero and Trowa take the rear, trailing them in quiet retrospect.]

Wufei: You owe me big bucks, Maxwell.

Duo: I haven't gotten graded yet, Chang-man.

Wufei: Like it matters. We all know you bombed it bad.

Duo: I got 12 quality lines in there!

Quatre: The heading and spaces between The End don't really count, Duo.

Duo: Okay, so 6 quality lines. What's your point?

Heero: Next time we're doing this together.

Wufei: What? Me? But I don't wanna baby-sit!

Trowa: Think of it as groupwork.

Duo: Or, as I like to think of it, a party at the library! Woohoo!

Wufei: Shut up, Maxwell!

Quatre: Race you guys home!

[Quatre and Duo take off running, followed by a couple of neighborhood dogs. Wufei and Heero just shake their heads, watching Duo trip Quatre and they both go sprawling. Trowa picks something off the ground.]

Trowa: Dr. Seuss. Uh-oh. Quatre dropped his independent reading book.

Wufei: Here, let me use it to clock Baka boy over the head. Maybe that'll rattle some sense into him.

Heero: Let's just get home. I've got a lot of homework I want to delete from school records.

[Later on in the afternoon, in a downtown apartment complex, a lavishly furnished living room has Zechs lounging on a leather couch, watching TV. He's watching ESPN, a feature on the advancing technology of mobile suits. Noin walks in briskly, holding a cordless telephone. Her expression is one of concern.]

Noin: Zechs, Heero just called.

Zech: Really. About what?

Noin: He was worried about the man-to-man chats you've been having recently with Duo.

Zechs: [smiles] Oh yeah? Jealous of good advice, I see. I'm just too experienced for him.

Noin: About that one book report?

Zechs: Ah, yes. Good pointers on that one.

Noin: Well, actually Heero would like you to stop your talks over those sort of things.

Zechs: Heh. Did I tell you the one where I did my entire senior project in one night?

Noin: [rolls her eyes] I see what they're so worried about.

Zechs: I nearly missed graduation, but look at me now. A major hard-strappin' general.

Noin: I'm calling Heero. My intuition's coming into play, and it's telling me to get a court marshal against you. Keep away from those boys in about…oh, a two mile radius should do it. And no more phone conversations either, alright?

Zechs: Well, if you don't want to listen, maybe Duo will. When's his next book report?

[Noin throws her hands up and walks out of the room abruptly.]

Zechs: O-kay. Never mind.

[Back home at the G-boy's mansion. Wufei's studying calculus again at the dining room table, listening to rap on his CD player. Duo walks in carrying a book under his arm, looking very smug with himself. Wufei sighs and takes off his headphones.]

Duo: Got another book. 

Wufei: What is it THIS time?

[Duo flips it around and displays the title page. Wufei takes one look, then bursts into a peal of laughter.]

Wufei: War and Peace?! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

---END

Alright! That was the real ending right there. Now, I'm not expecting a standing ovation or nothing, cause this was really just a thing I've had enough with in my English class. God! I hate those Lit books. If you agree with me, hey! Review! Let's see what you guys think of Duo's class project, too! If I get enough positive reviews, I'll consider posting another one of this 'series'. Okay? Okay! Thanks for stickin' around for the finale…I wonder if that makes me a good writer…nah.


End file.
